deersatan:

"dinner’s ready!"

image

(Source: asterkid)

666-slut:

IF UR READING THIS U LOOK VERY CUTE TODAY AND ALSO ILY

(Source: tuhree)

dark starter sentences

some yandere, some angst, some rivalry, but no happy stuff on this list
"You actually thought i cared about you?"
"I wonder how loudly i can make you scream in agony?"
"You're a monster!"
"It would be a shame if i had to damage that pretty face of yours."
"You're all mine now."
"How could you do this to me!?"
"I trusted you!"
"Is that supposed to scare me?"
"Put the knife down."
"You're scaring me..."
"You look so sexy when you're all bloodied and bruised like that~"
"I wonder how many volts it would take to kill you?"
"Why are you pointing that gun at me?"
"Let me go!"
"You're so cute when you struggle like that~"
"Your blood smells wonderful."
"Who did this to you?"
"You're in my way."
"I thought you were dead!"
"Help me!"
"Long live the king."
"What did they do to you?"
"What have you done?"
"Maybe i should carve a pretty picture in your flesh?"
"Don't worry, I won't do anything fatal, I just need some information."
"I don't care what you do to me, I'll never tell you!"
"Stop it, your hurting me!"
"They'll kill you!"
"I hate you."
"The only reason I chained you up is to show you how much I love you!"
"If you keep struggling like that I'll have to punish you~"

sherlollymouse:

cupcakes-and-ouija-boards:

stephluvvsyou:

tigerhazard:

jamdoughnutmagician:

there is not one search term here that isn’t magical

i know ive reblogged this before at least twice but i decided to read through the entire thing this time and im in pain from how hard i am laughing please forgive me

did a ghost do my taxes. i’m scared of eating ribbons.

This may be the most hilarious list ever.

"am I old enough to walk"

"can you get syphilis from reading about history"

(Source: neilcicierega)

littleredmarill:

childofdragons:

avengette:

cuntsman-sniper:

destielkills:

twowandsandadrink:

totemo-kawaii—ne:

omgtsn:

shittingllamas:

dudewhodoesthings:

kystokeable:

sizvideos:

Watch it in video

No. 

No this is not funny.

Whether or not it is a joke, I’ve gone onto the channel and there are multiple videos similar to this, which makes me think they’re fake.

Doesn’t matter. 

These videos enforce the idea to parents that yes, the answer to stop your child becoming obsessed with games is to DESTROY them.

No. This is not funny. It is things like this that cause events such as the father who SHOT his daughter’s laptop to bits to occur. These jokes enforce the attitude that people are ‘wrong’ for loving games.

For wanting to play games. 

For some people (including myself), games are a serious escape from horrid realities. The only escape some people can get. The idea that this man (boy?) is wrong for being so upset is disgusting to me?

This is horrific. This is abuse. This is wrong.

This is a sure fire way to get your kids to hate you.

do people not understand how much video games cost?

Video games are a multi-billion dollar business. Some people are good at it. Very good. Do not squander your child’s talents, help them realize them and strengthen them. There are other ways to get your child outside without destroying their games and everything they work for. This won’t solve anything; this will only set them back further.

do this to your childs anything and they will automatically hate you/not trust you

It doesn’t matter what it is

It doesn’t matter if its their video games or if its their smoking pipe

If you just destroy it/throw it away, you are giving no explanation as to why it’s bad/you don’t want them to have it

This can actually psychologically mess a kid up because you teach them that if someone doesn’t like something, they should destroy it

That can lead to some serious problems with socializing with others and other things

dont do that to people

dont

I had a notebook I used to write in all the time. I did that thing that Margo did in Paper Towns where she criss crossed her writing, but I did it so I’d have enough room to write everything. I took it everywhere wtih me and wouldn’t let my parents even start the car unless I had in in my lap. My dad got really annoyed by this and said I needed to throw the notebook away, what was written in it wasn’t important anyway (it was to me, very much so). So one day he took and ran it through the paper shredder.
Ever since I’ve had an intense fear of losing my notebooks and currently have a colletion of 53 blank notebooks and 16 that have been written in because I’ve started hoarding them.
Long story short, don’t fucking do this to your kids. You think it’s harmless and some people even think it’s clever, but you’re really just an asshole and are causing actual psychological problems for your children.

I have a plush rabbit that I’ve had since Easter of the year I was born (I was about 2 months old when I got it). It quickly became a comfort thing for me and I used to go everywhere with it as a child. When my mum and dad split up was when I became kind of dependent on having it around.
If ever I did anything wrong mum always threatened to take it away from me, which obviously caused my 6-year-old self to kick and scream and cry because I needed it.
One day I lost it for 6 or 7 months (turns out it was in my room the whole time but shh it was very well hidden & neither myself or my mum know how it got there)
That was the point that my mum realised she couldn’t threaten to take it away because holy shit I changed so much in those months.

Seriously, if your child is dependent on something, or takes great comfort in having it around
DO NOT TAKE IT FROM THEM.
It does not matter how old your child is, what their comfort item is, if it’s a video games console - don’t take it from them. If it’s their phone - don’t take it from them. If they’re 18 and still sleep with a teddybear - don’t take it from them.


This also goes for if your child is self-harming. If they have a blade in their bedroom and you find it DO NOT THROW IT OUT. Talk to them about it, be as supportive as you can, but do not think “oh well if I get rid of it they’ll be fine”. It can be seriously distressing and also lead to them becoming creative with what they use.

Getting a job and becoming an active member of society is important, but this is not the way to get your kid to do so. As others have previously stated, this is how to get your kid to hate you. Have a problem with your kids? Talk. To. Them.

Don’t make fun of them for the thing they’re dependent on. You cause them to feel shame for having something they like or trust. That’ll screw them up and give them trust issues. You’ll take away their fight and bet them down.
I’m dependent on certain habits and things and my family makes fun of me for it. It leaves me a nervous wreck because those habits aren’t continued out of shame and fear of more judgement and teasing. Encourage your kid to not be dependent on things since things come and go but don’t you dare make fun of them for it or take it away. Got it?

Wait, isn’t destroying another persons property illegal and a punishable offence?

To answer that - YES IT IS! But you know “Oh it’s just a bullshit kid who thing he is entitled to everything nye nye nye” bullshit parents throw…
My parents always did this with singing and drawing… Critisizing me like “You have a baaad singing voice” or “Yeah I hate your style” and such…. Guess what it lead to… Depression self loathing, not talking to them about my interests AT ALL in fear I will get shut up again! And they still do it… Well guess who is so not invited to any big event in my life and who will never know anything…. It comforts me, I don’t give two fucks whether you like what I do - as long as it’s legal FUCK YOU!

Proving a point to my mother- reblog if you are not a pedophile.

my-peopleskills-arerusty:

no-im-not-me:

oblivious-cancer:

If everyone doesn’t reblog this, I’m unfollowing all of you.

image

Posting for two reasons 1. ^^^
2. Martin freeman

(Source: demons-do-exist)

katieourmatie:

typette:

djlegz:

sizvideos:

Video

Assassin’s Creed screams in the distance

someone write a youth fantasy novel about this damn thing

Not gonna lie, I would read a novel about this desk.

When throwing a punch:

ramblinprose:

unseilie:

fullofbeansandspunk:

everythingbutharleyquinn:

asinheavenasinhell:

thnafu:

• Use the hand you write with.

• Make a fist with your thumb outside, not tucked inside. If it’s tucked inside your fist, when you punch someone, you might break your thumb. The thumb goes across your fingers, not on the side.

• Don’t be like in the movies—don’t aim for the face. Face punches don’t usually stop people, and you can miss when they duck their head or break your hand on their jaw. If you want to get away quickly, or end a fight, aim for the chest, or the ribs. If you really want to do some damage, e.g., you’re being attacked, aim for the throat, which will make it hard for your attacker to breathe for a hot minute.

• When you punch, you want to aim and hit with your first two knuckles. Not the flats of your fingers, and not your ring or pinky knuckles, which can break more easily. You can use your weight, if you’re on your feet, to add wallop, and spring into a punch with your feet and torso.

Useful information, esp. if you haven’t taken self defense.

I reblogged this once before to add this and I’ll do it again…

keep your wrist straight.

You can also risk breaking your wrist if you allow it to bend.  I actually can’t believe this isn’t in there.

Other good pointers:

  • if your attacker is male, go for his junk - especially if he’s wearing loose pants. There’s no sportsmanship when it comes to assault so fuck them balls UP
  • punching pretty much ANYWHERE in the face is going to actually hurt you a LOT (just think - you’re punching your bones into their bones and ow). If you’re going for the face, my suggestion is to strick upwards with your palm.

image

see that meaty portion highlighted in red? There’s a lot of muscle and fat right there which makes it excellent for striking. Hold your hand as shown and aim for the nose or chin (though I’ve been told in extreme circumstances, doing this to the nose can be fatal but I’ve never really heard if this is true or not) and just aim upwards

  • other delicate areas: 
  • the shin (hurts like a bitch if you kick it right - also, you can hit this spot if you’re being held in a choke-hold and if your attacker has to move in order to stop you from kicking him, he’ll have to angle his body so as to expose his stomach and crotch to the wild spastic jabbings of your elbows)
image
  • the solar plexus (either jab while holding your hand in a sort of spear position or use your elbows - unless you’re super strong, your punch probably won’t wind your attacker. Your elbow or a spear hand will, however)
image
Originally in (most) martial arts, you hit the solar plexus because it supposedly contained an important chakra. Now we know that it actually also contains like a bunch of necessary organs that are exposed just below your ribs and is also (roughly) where your diaphragm lives so getting punched there is not pleasant.
  • the clavicle (from experience, getting hit in your clavicle HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. If you strike downwards with your knuckles, the person might just cry. Like I did.)
image
  • the ear (this is probably the best place to punch besides the throat. It’s all cartilage so it probably won’t hurt you all that much and most people will be like “DUDE YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE EAR WHAT THE HELL”)
  • the kidneys (this is harder to hit without training but if you somehow get your attacker’s back to face you, try to hit’em in the kidneys. Again, from experience, this FUCKING HURTS. You can’t really hit the kidneys from the front with any effect but from the back it is super painful)

image

  • if you’re held in a choke-hold, try turning your head so the forearm isn’t pressed into your throat. If you can position yourself right, you can sort of force your chin into the crook of the elbow, making you able to still receive (limited) oxygen and provide time for you to kick some shins or elbow some spleens and shit

-Also, remember that a guy’s junk is not an off-button. Don’t think that you can rely on a swift kick to the balls to immediately incapacitate him in an emergency. Adrenaline and anger can keep somebody going for a long time even through extreme pain, and if you expect to end a fight with a single groin-attack you might be caught off-guard when he doesn’t drop. Certainly go for it if you get the chance, but keep hitting him until the fight is over.

-Draw blood if you can, especially if you can draw it from the face or the eyes. Blood in the eyes is not just a good way to impair your attacker’s vision, it’s also a really good way to freak them out and let them know that they might be getting more than they bargained for by picking a fight with you.

-Elbows and knees are really powerful weapons. Elbows are very sharp and very strong and if you are in close-range they are often more effective than trying to throw a punch. 

-Yelling and shouting makes you scary. 

Nothing much to add to this, it’s pretty much all there. So. Reblog. Oh, also, it’s really easy to break a nose - go for the eyes too. All it takes to avoid a shot to the throat is tucking your chin.

Also, that part about the ear - don’t punch. An open hand over the ear hurts a lot.

(Source: am-buh)

Threaten my muse with the following:

jamiemoriartyops:

  • “I got something that belongs to you.”
  • “Let’s see how loud you scream.”
  • “When I find you, you’ll be sorry.”
  • “You better run.”
  • “I only want to see you bleed.”
  • “Mine is going to be the last face you’ll ever see.”
  • “Begging won’t help you, dear.”
  • “I always like to start with the toes.”
  • “Scream for me before I kill you.”
  • “Shut up before I do something I’ll regret.”

SENTENCE PROMPTS MEME.

queenxregina:

send one of the following sentences to me for my muses response. mixture of angst, fluff, nsfw and everything inbetween. taken from sources such as movies, tv shows, songs and my own brain

  • "How long have we been down?" 
  • "Am I supposed to just let you go?" 
  • "Are you real?" 
  • "Shut up and kiss me." 
  • "You look homeless." 
  • "Do you kids want anything? Some snacks? A condom?" 
  • "I’m not gay/lesbian." 
  • "I’m destined to be a crazy cat lady/man." 
  • "Time won’t change me." 
  • "It’s empty in the valley of your heart." 
  • "You did this?" 
  • "I will hold on hope." 
  • "Shit, you really are tone deaf." 
  • "I’d rather burn than boil." 
  • "I see you found my little…hobby." 
  • "Never trust a drunk." 
  • "You have no idea what I’m capable of." 
  • "Long live the Queen/King" 
  • "It’s like a warm, wet hug." 
  • "I predict a riot." 
  • "I’m in no mood." 
  • "Is this where we all sing Kum-Bah-Yah?" 
  • "There’s nothing I hate more than a racist." 
  • "Well, part of your discretion is falling out of your blouse." 
  • "Killers don’t wear aprons." 
  • "As you wish." 
  • "Word of advice, shithead. Don’t you ever wake up." 
  • "You’ve never heard of Leonardo Dicaprio?!" 
  • "If you try to fuck me then I shall fuck you too." 
  • "Rock and Roll’s the Devils work." 
  • "You’re a fat loser and you have body odour." 
  • "I am lost and so alone." 
  • "I’m asking for your guidance." 
  • "My father thinks you’re evil." 
  • "I still have your underwear." 
  • "I’m pregnant." 
  • "Show’s over, motherfuckers." 
  • "Aw dude, this is one gay looking taser." 
  • "If it wasn’t for you, I’d be dead." 
  • "If you don’t pay your rent, I’m kicking you out." 
  • "That is so punk rock!" 
  • "It’s a nice day for a white wedding." 
  • God. This is the loneliest place I’ve ever been and I lived in a tree for eight months.” 
  • "People are strange." 
  • "It’s a nice day to start again." 
  • "I’ve been gone for fourteen days. I could have been gone for more." 
  • "Do you think he’ll/she’ll ever come home?" 
  • "They tried to stone me, my dear. It did not work." 
  • "Get off my son/daughter, you bitch!" 
  • "Try not to get worried." 
  • "I’m sure I just need some rest." 
  • "You light a fire inside of me." 
  • "I threw my pie for you." 
  • "I wanna get out of here." 
  • "Don’t you dare leave me again, [ insert name ]" 
  • "Life isn’t a Katherine Heigl movie." 
  • "Why are you so obsessed with him/her?" 
  • "Of course, my horse." 
  • "You’re so naive." 
  • "There’s no such thing as perfect." 
  • "Imperfection is underrated." 
  • "It’s such an ugly world for something so beautiful." 
  • "I’m not fond of asking." 
  • "You’re so vain, I bet you think this song is about you." 
  • "Are you challenging me?" 
  • "This is the best fucking pie I have ever tasted." 
  • "Little children should be seen and not heard." 
  • "Imagine me and you, I do. I think about you day and night." 
  • "You belong to me." 
  • "I will always wait for you." 
  • "You’re the magician’s assistant in their dream." 
  • "Don’t marry her, fuck me." 
  • "We will never be royals." 
  • "There must be an angel, playing with my heart." 
  • "I must be hallucinating." 
  • "Will you marry me?" 
  • "We were made to be together." 
  • "Jesus loves you!" 
  • "She’s got a boyfriend/girlfriend anyway." 
  • "Just like me, they long to be, close to you." 
  • "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." 
  • "Bad girls do it well." 
  • "Don’t you wish your girlfriend/boyfriend was hot like me?" 
  • "You do not own me." 
  • "I own you." 
  • "There’s a difference between wanting something and needing it." 
  • "Why so serious?" 
  • "Describe your perfect date." 
  • ”[ insert name here ] is flawless.” 
  • "Do you have to a pretentious bitch all of the time?" 
  • "Okay?" 
  • "This is our infinity." 
  • "Ask me again when you learn some manners." 
  • "When I am with you, there’s no place I’d rather be." 
  • "Did we really just do that?" 
  • "At the end of the day, there’ll be nothing but trouble." 
  • "When will my life begin?" 
  • "Now that we’re friends, I’ve decided to make you my new project." 
  • "Look at you as fragile as a flower." 
  • "Guess I always knew this day was coming." 
  • "Trust me, pet. Mother knows best." 
  • "Please, sit. Make yourself at home." 
  • "I’m allergic to bullshit." 
  • "Is it your aim to ruin my life?" 
  • "My fate is in your hands." 
  • "Go ahead, get mugged and left for dead." 
  • "I wanna stay inside all day." 
  • "Are you satisfied?" 
  • "People will talk." 
  • "For goodness sake, let us be young." 
  • "I’m nobody."